O/T Really bad news

donsrods · October 11, 2006, 01:21:11 PM

Don: The fact that you thought enough of us as friends speaks volumes about the kind of guy you are. All of us on here share our good times and our bad, and sometimes it helps the healing process to tell others what we are going though.

Like some of the others said, many of us have been through exactly what you are going through, and divorce is a mother. There is nothing good about it. I was married for 28 years and our kids were grown. Both of us had good jobs and had the world by the tail. .

Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. The "self preservation" thing you mention is a real concern. We all wonder how we are going to make it on our own. But, we do make it, and life goes on. Yes, you will hurt for a while, and it doesn't matter if you have been married one year or 100 years, it hurts.

You won't want to hear this now, but someday you will forget this and think it may have been the best thing to ever happen to you. The saving grace is that I imagine after only one year there are no kids involved? That really makes divorce even worse.

In the mean time, take it one day at a time, and don't be too quick to roll over and give her everything she is asking for. She initiated this, not you, so she has little room to demand a lump settlement. She went into the marriage and the house purchase too, and benefitted, so get an Attorney who can protect your interests. I didn't, and ended up selling the house and everything just so she could get her half. That was stupid on my part.

Sorry to be so lengthy, but I really feel for you, and just wanted to tell you that there are people out here who care and who feel for your situation.

Let us know if we can do anything to help.

Don

jaybee · October 11, 2006, 01:45:54 PM

Don, I'm sure sorry to hear about this. You're certainly in my thoughts and prayers. Look for the people you have always been able to depend on them and don't be afraid to lean on them a little when needed. They'll be glad you came to them. Hope to hear about a turn for the better soon.

bigdude · October 11, 2006, 01:57:57 PM

Don you will survive! My last wife begged and begged for us to get married-we did. Eight months later she told me she was sleeping with one of her co-workers on a road trip. He was 18-I thought I would go nuts too! I was worried about losing my house and alot of other things. I survived and have been married for 19years now.

phat46 · October 11, 2006, 03:45:28 PM

All I can add is that i'm also sorry to hear this Don. wish you the best of luck .

Normspeed · October 11, 2006, 03:53:08 PM

Really sorry to hear. Like a lot of folks here, I've been through it too and it does get better over time. If you need something to take your mind off it, you can help me repaint my wagon. Just a little levity there.

I'll pm you.

Fat Cat · October 11, 2006, 06:03:26 PM

Don, I know that much of the things said here on this post sound cliche' but they all mean it. I know that having to go through it a second time will not make it easier for you. But if you need anything let us know and we will do all we can to help.

I was really sad to read that this morning and knew before the page even loaded that it had to be something like this. I thought about you a coupl eof times today. All I have to add is Keep on keepin' on.

Bruce Dorsi · October 11, 2006, 06:46:04 PM

I'm sorry things didn't work out as you hoped, Don.

As others have said, one day you may come to realize that this was a blessing, and not a curse.

Divorce is great when BOTH parties want one. .....If not, there will always be a shytER and shytEE.

The question I ask friends in your position is, "Do you really want someone who doesn't want you?"

I sincerely hope your emotional torture ends soon, and that you find peace whichever way things go! ....Best wishes to you!

Crosley.In.AZ · October 11, 2006, 08:53:34 PM

Don..... keep your head up as you move forward. You will bang it less.

Best of luck to you buddy

A side note; I am sure your wife has had some deep thoughts about this situation.

Rayvyn · October 11, 2006, 09:56:29 PM

Quote from: "DRD57"Not car related at all...

http://donshotrodpage.net/whatsnew.html

I've been there myself, Don. Just about the same circumstances. I know what you're going through.

Occupy yourself often enough to keep the mental strain to a minimum, and talk to people. Don't keep it bottled up. Seek advice, and like Fatcat said, keep on truckin'.

It hurts, but it'll pass.

Glen · October 11, 2006, 10:03:59 PM

Sorry to hear the news,

If you wanna take a roadtrip or get out of the house for a while, come down next month for Goodguys in Scottsdale, you know you have a place to stay.

Glen

donsrods · October 12, 2006, 12:02:48 AM

Don: I was at work today when I read your post, and couldn't really spend the time to say some of the things I wanted. (Customers kept getting in the way

) Like everybody else on here, I was really touched by your open honesty, and it took me back to my own separation and divorce in 1998.

As I said in my earlier post, when one partner wants out and the other doesn't, it really sucks. I was exactly like you, I really cared for her and put her on a pedestal. But she wasn't getting something she needed out of the marriage, even after 28 years, so she shut down. She thought she would find happiness with a Doctor co-worker, and after living with him for 6 years, that failed too, so I guess I was not the only one that couldn't make her happy. Her Prince Charming turned out to be a frog.

As hard as this is to face, there probably is no saving this marriage. She just wants out. It has nothing to do with you, she just feels she has to go another direction. The lady I later moved in with for 7 years taught me alot about what was going on in my ex-wifes head, and told me one time "she didn't do this to hurt you, she just wanted her life to be different." I learned alot from her in that 7 years, and she was right.

I also know how you are scared right now about your future financially. I was too. We had a nice home, but I couldn't make the payments on my own and still live, so it kind of forced us to liquidate everything. Luckily, my Sons jumped in and helped me through this time, or I would have gone down the tubes.

It is also a time for you to seek the help of your close friends and family. I found out during my time that I had several very good friends who stuck by me and listened to all of my crying the blues, and never complained. My best friend, who has since passed away, really stuck by me and spent time with me to make sure I was ok.

No one can give you a magic pill to make this instantly disappear. I can't lie to you about that. You will have good days and bad days. The way to know you are healing is that you will begin to have more good days than bad. When that ratio starts to turn you will know you are on the road to recovery. A divorce ranks right up there with loss of a job and loss of a loved one on the stress scale. I had a stroke during my divorce, and it was caused by the stress.

You have got to put this into perspective. You are the same person you were before you met her, with the same qualities and assets. Yes, she was important to you, but you are the only person who you can truly count on in the final analysis. Loved ones come and go, and with the divorce rate as high as it is, you are certainly not alone.

As I suggested in my first post, talk to an Attorney. We men tend to be gentlemen even at the end, and give them everything while we suffer. She usually gets it all, and we move into a one bedroom apartment. It doesn't have to be that way. You have as much invested in this as did she, and therefore for her to demand an immediate payout of "her" portion of the house is simply unreasonable. You have to remember that she is no longer your concern, YOU ARE. Protect yourself, and worry about only yourself in this situation.

Finally, you have done the right thing in baring your soul as you have. It is far better than to keep it bottled up inside. I told my tale to so many fiiends I finally got bored of hearing it, and that told me I was healing. You will too, and believe me, somewhere down the road someone who you were really meant to be with will come along, and you will thank God you were free and able to be with her.

You will be in many of our prayers tonight.

Don

Nick32Vic · October 12, 2006, 12:17:43 AM

Hey man,

I was racking my brain all day trying think of something clever or deep that might help..........but im not a clever or deep person. hehe.

So all I really have to say is
"Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I could honestly say
That things can only get better"

-Sir Elton John

P.S. your my friend Don and its pretty much a given that if you ever need anything just call my name.

40 · October 12, 2006, 08:47:03 AM

Don,Though we've only met a few times in Louisville and I have no sage advice from past experience to pass along,I do wish you the best.I have no doubt you'll turn this negative into a positive somewhere down the road.Take care my friend and stay in touch with your friends here on the RRT.

KustomLincolnLady · October 12, 2006, 09:21:34 PM

Don, What a sad and painful thing to have to expierence. The good part (if you can call it that) is that she wants it to be civil!! No ugly battles, that can reak havoc on you.

Sometimes things just don't work out as we expect, you are a strong person and will bounce back.

I think it was very admirable of you to seek the help of your friends!!! and I know everyone will be there for you in what ever way possible.

Your in my prayers, try not to dwell on it as the pain will only worsen :cry:
Best of luck to you
Debb