Random musings...

[Fat Cat]

A penguin goes to a mechanic to get his car fixed.
The mechanic tells him it will be about an hour..
So the penguin goes over to the 7/11 across the street for some ice cream.
On account of penguins not having hands. The penguin has to stick his beak in the ice cream to eat it.

So after about an hour, the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal"..
Then the penguin replies.."No that's just a little ice cream"

[Rayvyn]

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms.
The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast.
The head of course sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first.
He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue his friend.
He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts, "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some dumb *** puts a swimming cap on me!"

[Fat Cat]

Q - hum... what is yellow and can pass through a wall?












A - a magical banana

[Jbird]

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."  "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it !"

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.  Her boss saw it on her desk.  "What's that,' he asked?  "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.  Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"  The blonde replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee."

[unklian]

What's Green and Brown,has 6 legs,
and will kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?













A Pool Table.

[Fat Cat]

What's Red and will kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?









a fire truck

[Sean]

I take it this is stupid Joke day?


Whats Red and Green and goes round and round and round?......











A Frog in a Food Processor.....

[Fat Cat]

I take it this is stupid Joke day?

Nope at least not for those of us that enjoy a good joke. But it appears that I can't tell any jokes on here with out some wise * comments. Every time I try there is some one trying to be a smart *.

[Sean]

Q - hum... what is yellow and can pass through a wall?

A - a magical banana

If thats what you call a "good" joke, then Ohio humor is as foriegn to me as English humor...

[Fat Cat]

Q - What's red and splattered all over a wall?

A - a tomato that though it was a magical banana.

[SKR8PN]

What is the LAST thing that goes thru a bugs mind,as he hits your windshield???










His butt.

[SKR8PN]

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

[SKR8PN]

A senior citizen named Barney was driving down the freeway, when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," replied Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

[SKR8PN]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

[SKR8PN]

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?