O/T Help, what should I do about Margaret causing problems?

[DrChop]

After the splitup, I've been trying to get on with my life. I only get the legal minimum amount of visitation, and that at my parent's house, and with them arranging the transportation. I've been busy at work, I try to find new places to get out to that she would not pop in at, and in general try not to rock the boat. My social life is in the dumper, and I've been signed up at a lot of the internet personals sites. The problem is, Margaret is also signing up for the same places, and she makes many different profiles on each, all saying a lot of deceptive things so I can be misled into thinking I am talking to someone other than her. I have evidence that she's done this at 5 different sites already. She has even tried to get me to contact her thru the sites using these alternate identities, I found this out after trying to contact one of these 'fakes'.

I don't care what she does with her life, matter of fact I hope she catches something from the next person she has over at the house (oh yes, did'nt take long for her to become promiscuous, she's even been with my buddy Mikey and had a profile looking for group things with him included, that I found out about). I really wish I can get custody of Shannon, since the courts now recognize me as her father. It would be tough on Shannon, but she misses me terribly, and knows it's her mother's doing that I don't have more visitation time. If I had custody things would be a LOT tougher, but I would do whatever is necessary for her to have a good life, even to the point of giving up all I enjoy.

My only concern for her at this point is regarding Shannon. If I respond to these deceptive ads, would that be considered in court to be 'indirect contact' and get me in trouble? I want to get on with my life, with Shannon being a part of it, but she's causing problems for me every chance she gets.

I also understand she's wanting to move out of the state and go either to KY or back to Denver, where she has some family left. If she leaves I swear I'll push the issue with my lawyer. She told me she does'nt want to keep Shannon from me, but everything I find out about points the opposite direction.

Reply here if you want, she probably browses this site from time to time from her Verizon IP addy to see what I'm up to, so if you want her to see what you say make it public. Otherwise, please respond simply by telling me I have a private message and I will read it and get back to you.

With all these problems I can understand why she wanted the P.O... dont sweat it, I'm not gonna do anything stupid, Shannon needs her daddy OUT of prison/jail...

I just want a normal life back...

Jay

[Slick 50]

Cool it Doc!

Check your mail.

[purplepickup]

I've found that this is the kind of thing it's best to stay out of but I do have some observations.  

Nobody here knows enough details about what's going on and shouldn't, but if you feel better talking about it, hopefully we can be pals and listen.

Just remember this is a very public forum and like you said she might be visiting.   Your comments about her well-being may come back to haunt you and I'd suggest you delete them.   Your daughter might read what you've written too.

It might be smart to lay low for a while and let things settle, and keep your feelings out of any communications with her.  People that like to interfere and aggravate do it to get attention and feel powerful.  If they know they are getting to you, they are on top.  If you don't respond in any way, they usually move on.   Sooner or later she'll find other ways to spend her time and hopefully you can start to get on with your life without her.   Just don't get caught up in that game.....it isn't healthy for you or your daughter.  

Your daughter's welfare is MOST important and she is absorbing all that is going on around her.  Credible documentation and witnesses will be very helpful if you do go for custody.  I hope you have a lawyer advising you.  

And a buddy would never sleep with your ex no matter how tempting she can be.  I'd be rethinking what buddy means.

[GPster]

In Ohio(at least in this county) there are independant arbitrators to deal with child custody cases. They are available to people that want to amicabley deal with these differences but their findings are only used as a point of law if they are deemed so by the court and the court has sent you to them. That way the suggestions are manditory. I am somewhat surprised that you have that kind of restricted visatation which only means that she has convinced the court that those kind of limits come from that you are guilty and you haven't even had a chance to be heard. The longer you put up with the situation with-out a day in court is how much longer you are admitting your guilt. Maybe the longer you try to keep from taking her to court is not that smart if you have to spend the time trying to straighten your daughters mind out about the situation afterwards. Just remember her visiting internet sites would probably be deemed no worse than your visiting them and it would be up to the court to decide who is right or wrong. If she moves tomorrow with the custody she has established she would be right by her rules and to try to get her back accross state lines to appear in court would be very hard and costly. This seems to be a case where you're guilty until proven innocent. GPster

[DrChop]

And I have. I'm supposed to turn the other cheek and NOT get upset, and yet the games continue. She's a drama queen and is'nt happy unless she can make others miserable and angry. I'm not getting upset anymore. I'm going to notify my lawyer and see if he thinks a talk between himself and her is in order, considering I'm NOT doing anything I shouldnt. My dating profiles are already pulled, just to avoid any temptation she might have to pester me. My brother said it right yesterday, after I told him of the problems. "Who cares, so hang out somewhere that she DOES'NT..."


Gpster, the visitation I have now is certainly not what I or Shannon wants, we want alternate weeks. The problem with that right now is I have no stable home for myself, and have to take care of that, first. Once I have that situation resolved, THEN I will have my lawyer talk to her about alternate weeks. We proposed the idea already, and she does'nt want me to have any more time with Shannon than the legal minimum, I believe so Shannon does'nt get too 'attached' to me.

I already had my day in court, my lawyer got me able to have visitation, and that I'm allowed to attend Shannon's school functions. I am supposed to stay away from Margaret, and the 2 oldest kids, which I have been doing. I have NO CONTACT with the 3 of them. I even get out of my Mom's car a half-mile from the house when she is supposed to pick up or drop off Shannon. The problem with the internet sites is that I am not looking for trouble, and when she finds me on one, she starts problems, so I decided to pull my profiles and remove that temptation for her to start trouble.

I know this is a public forum, and this post is pretty much off topic as far as it could be, but everyone here is like family to me, and I highly value everyone's opinion about what I should do.

Jay

[Sean]

From what I understand, in Missouri, the person with Custody can't move out of the State without going through another Custody fight.

Might want to check into that before she packs up and takes off with your kid. Once she gets moved, it would be more difficult to do anything about it.

[DrChop]

so it's in my best interests to just turn and walk away, as I have already done twice, when she confronts me in public. I'm not allowed to have any contact with her or her 2 oldest kids, be around the old house, etc.

I just wish she'd get a life of her own and butt out of MINE!

Jay

[GPster]

On the confronting her in public I would second Tony's advise.Try not to be alone. Any protection order is binding to her as well as you.  If she follows you around to harass you she is violating the terms of the protection order. It can be considered meanial but it would be wise to have a witness with you as to what actually happened. GPster