Heading Downunder ?? Fly Qantas !!

[TJ's Dad]

Great airline humor........from down under.
>
> After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,called a "gripe sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then  pilots
> review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some
> actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qanta's pilots and the
solutions
> recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
> airline that has never had an accident.
>
> (P= The problem logged by the pilot.)  (S= The solution and action taken
by
> mechanics.)
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
> on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>

.

[carnut1100]

My uncle was the most senior engineer at Qantas when he retired. The reason then never had a fatal accident was the extraordinary lengths they went to in maintenance. Now they outsource it overseas where it is cheaper so they are no better than any other airline.

[Brootal]

My uncle was the most senior engineer at Qantas when he retired. The reason then never had a fatal accident was the extraordinary lengths they went to in maintenance. Now they outsource it overseas where it is cheaper so they are no better than any other airline.

Oh yeah... great... just what we wanted to hear!  

Hey Jimbob! Any of this stuff true?

Sounds like some of the comments you would make.