O/T Kids and Drugs....

Sean · August 30, 2004, 08:51:27 PM

My Dads best friend has always been like an Uncle to me, and I just got word that his 19 year old Son killed himself a couple hours ago.

He was raised on a Farm in a close knit family, he was smart enough that he was advanced a year when he was in Grade School, he had just started College this year. Its not like a hard life led him to it....

We all knew he had a Drug problem, but being typical Country people, everybody just minded their own business and hoped he would grow out of it. Looks like maybe some of his peers (myself included) should have confronted him about it, instead of just hoping it would pass.

I just talked to my Dad on his cell phone and he was over in the Boys room cleaning the mess up. The Boys Mom and Dad had gone to tell their oldest Daughter what happened. The younger Sister is the one who found him, and since he used a Deer Rifle, I imagine that she will be in pretty bad shape for a long time. That will be something she will never be able to get out of her head.

Don't know if it confronting him would have helped or not, but maybe some things should not be treated with a "Wait and see" attitude.

enjenjo · August 31, 2004, 12:43:36 AM

Sorry to hear that Sean, that is hard to deal with at any age. It has happened here too, to close friends. If I can be of any help, let me know.

nomobux · August 31, 2004, 06:25:16 AM

Quote from: "Sean"My Dads best friend has always been like an Uncle to me, and I just got word that his 19 year old Son killed himself a couple hours ago.

He was raised on a Farm in a close knit family, he was smart enough that he was advanced a year when he was in Grade School, he had just started College this year. Its not like a hard life led him to it....

We all knew he had a Drug problem, but being typical Country people, everybody just minded their own business and hoped he would grow out of it. Looks like maybe some of his peers (myself included) should have confronted him about it, instead of just hoping it would pass.

I just talked to my Dad on his cell phone and he was over in the Boys room cleaning the mess up. The Boys Mom and Dad had gone to tell their oldest Daughter what happened. The younger Sister is the one who found him, and since he used a Deer Rifle, I imagine that she will be in pretty bad shape for a long time. That will be something she will never be able to get out of her head.

Don't know if it confronting him would have helped or not, but maybe some things should not be treated with a "Wait and see" attitude.[/quote

nomobux · August 31, 2004, 06:40:39 AM

Very sorry to hear that. Monday am, a young woman (22) drove over from Seattle, parked her car in an intersection, walked a few feet to her estranged boy friends place of work and shot herself to death. Very hard to say what's going thru their minds. My heart goes out to both families.

Sean · August 31, 2004, 06:47:44 AM

Quote from: "enjenjo"Sorry to hear that Sean, that is hard to deal with at any age. It has happened here too, to close friends. If I can be of any help, let me know.

Thanks. I wasn't close to the boy, too much age difference. I just thought that by reading this, maybe someone in a similar situation will go ahead and do or say something about it before it's too late. But then again, it may not have made any difference...

I know it wasn't all that long ago that I was his age and the worst I ever did was smoke a little Weed. This boy was on the hard-core Drugs, and it just doesn't make sense to me why he ever got hooked on them in the first place. I guess being from a Rural area, a lot of us think its a "City" problem, but thats obviously not true.

I just don't understand why some people seem to dedicate themselves to self destruction. I guess thats an age old problem though. The methods just change over the years...

moondisc · August 31, 2004, 09:34:55 AM

I just don't understand why some people seem to dedicate themselves to self destruction. I guess thats an age old problem though. The methods just change over the years...[/quote]

The problem with drugs like cocaine is the lows are lower than the highs.
That's how people get addicted.
2 years ago my buds kid blew his head of with a shotgun.
Depression, combided with a cocaine low was more than he could take.
[/quote]

Crosley.In.AZ · August 31, 2004, 08:09:43 PM

I have to say that my heart goes out to the family on this.

I was deeply changed with my son's incident 2 years ago .

Sean · August 31, 2004, 09:18:21 PM

Quote from: "Crosley"I have to say that my heart goes out to the family on this.

I was deeply changed with my son's incident 2 years ago .

I remember when that happened. I had wondered several times if he made a complete recovery, but didn't want to bring it back up...

Crosley.In.AZ · August 31, 2004, 11:08:15 PM

Sean, the boy is OK, no major health meds are required now.

However.... he still has his head up his A**

probably in his genes....

btrc · September 02, 2004, 07:38:20 AM

Shawn, I feel very bad for his family. Two years ago next week my son, Dustin, took his life. There is no way to describe the way we felt and the way we still feel. I can barely even type this. I'm so glad Crosley's son is OK. I hope he gets his head together some day.
You know I've typed and deleted an awful lot of words in this reply. I just do not have an answer.

bob

Bruce Dorsi · September 02, 2004, 11:17:30 AM

Bob, I thought of you immediately when I read Sean's original post, as I knew it would hit home with you.

Although I can do nothing to end the emotional torture your family has endured, please know that I often think of you and your family's loss of Dustin.

Keep on, keepin' on!

~~~~Bruce

Sean · September 02, 2004, 05:46:26 PM

Quote from: "btrc"
You know I've typed and deleted an awful lot of words in this reply. I just do not have an answer.

bob

I hope I didn't cause you any undue stress by posting that.

And you are right about not having an answer. I went to the Funeral today, and even though I've known the Boys Mom and Dad ever since I was born, I couldn't bring myself to say anything to them. Nothing I could think of seemed to be even worth saying, so I just let them know I was there and left it at that.

I did find out however, that there was more to it than just Drugs. The boy was BiPolar and had been to a bunch of different Doctors in the last few years. The family had covered it up as best they could, and very few people knew how messed up he was mentally.

Apparently the Drugs intensified the problem and he had become extremely anti-social in the last year or so. I guess all the signs were there, but nobody picked up on it until it was too late.

Crosley.In.AZ · September 02, 2004, 08:36:17 PM

We made some hard decisions with our kid.

I closed the "bank of Janice & Tony" many months ago. I told him to get off his A and get a * job. Get 2 jobs if needed.

He will not speak to us......... by golly he has a full time job currently

EMSjunkie · September 02, 2004, 09:10:50 PM

I have been following this post, and finally feel compelled to add my$.02
I have been a Paramedic for 15+ years now, and have seen more than my share of young lives ended needlessly. one thing that seems to be a common denominator is the parents blame themselves for not picking up on the subtle clues that someone set on self destruction exhibits. no amount of love, compassion or caring can stop someone set on self destruction. I have seen families literally torn apart after a suicide, a time when the family bond must be at its strongest. I guess all I can really add is that if you have a young man or lady that you even suspect might be entertaining the idea of suicide, talk to them, try to get them to open up, things are alot tougher these days for teen-agers than when most of us were their age, and it ain't gonna get any better any time soon. just try to be there for them, after all, the young people of today will be running the country tomorrow.

Vance

Carps · September 06, 2004, 07:23:47 AM

Quote from: "Sean"Apparently the Drugs intensified the problem and he had become extremely anti-social in the last year or so. I guess all the signs were there, but nobody picked up on it until it was too late.

Hey Sean, you shouldn't beat yourself up for it and likewise the kid's parents. People with these kinds of self destructive problems can be extremely resourceful when it comes to doing themselves harm. They can even bluff you into a flase sense of security making you think everything is going to be OK. Then.........

My heart goes out to you and your family, but I think right now they need your suport more than your sympathy, especially the sister.

Wish there was something usefull I could do or say to help, but all I can think of is a typical country philosophy, life goes on, look after those he left behind.